A trend in parenting?



The cumulative effect of a crowd beyond the tipping point. What will it hold?

A trend in parenting?

Some societal shifts in parenting have been documented that are impacting relationships in schools – protective instincts.

In How to Raise an Adult, Julie Lythcott-Haims documents some trends in parenting in the US and other countries. Working in schools, I feel that I have glimpsed some of these behaviors described, but you do need to be cautious as you get older and feel compelled to critique the ‘now’ from vague notions of a ‘then’ we can barely remember.  However, the book convincingly documents certain shifts such as the increasing parental presence on US university campuses where parents continue to try and solve problems for their child-adults well into tertiary years and beyond. This is a new, but not a uniquely US phenomenon.

This parental presence on US university grounds is presented as the end of a long series of what was termed, ‘over-protective parental problem-solving’ that is increasingly following children all through their school experiences. It is argued that an increasing fear of harm, a powerful instinct to protect by solving their problems for them, has been leading to a more adversarial response by parents when their children confront problems in areas such as schooling and organized sports, for example. The effect of the extremes of parental problem-solving in the world of the child is that the critical thought that is part of successful problem solving is banished. Alternate perspectives have no place where the welfare of the child is concerned.

An example could be a parent abusing a coach when their child does not get a full game, a more familiar story nowadays in Australian sporting life where parent behavior has shifted markedly. Interactions with referees are even more intense. Children’s sporting competitions now outline specific behavioral expectations for spectators (parents) to protect the referee and the child players and try and ensure supportive, positive behavior is modeled by the adults. Parents can be asked to leave the grounds and play does not resume until they comply. The introduction of these now strictly-enforced rules into children’s sports hints at the increasingly active role parents are playing in solving their child’s perceived problems.

It must be said that trends are not the way people are, just certain patterns that are recognizable if you are looking for them. The pattern that is discussed in this context is the blame inherent in a response to a child’s problem and the parents’ focus on fixing the problem, protecting their child. The teacher, the referee or a coach become the adversary from the start. In these cases, it is the parent that can be seen interacting with the world, not the child. In my experience, this is not the norm by any means, however, incidences of this type of overly active parental problem-solving (which is a very subjective label, of course) seem to be on the increase.

The child learns much through these experiences; mostly blame. In times of conflict, emotions run high and there is no room to consider a situation in terms of an idea (or ideal) such as ‘respect’ for example and frame a conversation around this idea, listening and considering the thoughts of others.  When we are striving to protect, we don’t search for solutions, we defeat adversaries. For this reason, we need to be careful of the behaviors that we model for our children for, in a culture of blame, problem-solving and responsibility may not have the opportunity to develop as part of a child’s life skills, absent from their repertoire as adults.  Yet, how widespread is the influence of these shifts in parenting strategies? How many individuals would need to shift in order to push a population past a certain tipping point?

As the protectiveness of a parent and the related urge to identify and solve problems for their children is a natural, wonderful instinct, we may just need to rethink the level of support we provide our children in relation to this natural drive.  We can support, but also allow them to interact with the world and solve their own problems, the smaller ones, and the bigger ones. Increase the presence of critical thought in the environments in which they grow up. Celebrate ideas. Listen and consider the ideas of other people. Be flexible. Be courageous enough to change your own opinion. Question others. Be prepared to be questioned yourself. Perhaps, parents, this is all we need to do. A shifting set of expectations that our children see could one day be passed onto expectations for those on the ballot who are responsible for representing us.




Learning to learn; a 4-year-old’s experience

We can often underestimate the complexity of ideas young children can understand. I was teaching in Brunei Darussalam at a public secondary school and my daughters attended the International School of Brunei (ISB) which had the IB’s Primary Years Program (PYP). My younger daughter, four-years-old at the time, was in kindergarten. Time came for a student-led-conference and I attended like the dutiful father I was hoping to be. Knowing nothing of the IB or the PYP, or any other of the associated acronyms, I wasn’t sure what exactly to expect.  

The teacher explained that the PYP curriculum is organized around a series of six units of inquiry during the year, where children develop skills, knowledge, understandings and attitudes through a process of structured inquiry. ‘That sounds good, but what does it look like?’ – My private thought at the time.  I was soon to find out.

My daughter, whom I had expected to just point out a few drawings, led me to the back of the room to what she introduced as the Wondering Wall. At the top of the Wondering Wall, which was a series of large pieces of paper stuck to the wall, a statement about identity was written in large letters, ‘Different types of families make up our community.’ She read this out, although of course, she could not yet read, and pointed to her name which was written with all the other children’s names along the left hand side of the wall. She then told me with a slight roll of her eyes what she had thought a family was at the beginning of the unit. It was written in the teacher’s neat script next to my daughter’s name. All along the line that moved across the wall from her name, in that neat script, were similar thoughts about questions that she had had at different stages of the unit.

My daughter explained to me, using this visual, what she thought at the start of the unit, some of the questions that she had wondered about, the classroom activities that they had done along the way and the things that she had learned from them. At the end of the line, the far right of the Wondering Wall, was her final thoughts on what constituted a family, again scribed by the teacher, but in my daughter’s words. A very different statement to her initial one, showing in her four-year-old language that she understood that there were many different potential structures.

I left the student-led-conference wondering about the significance of my four-year-old daughter coming to realize that the world may not be exactly as she imagines it – that we learn new things to change our perspective. Many adults struggle with this. It wasn’t so much what she had learnt, nor was it how she had learnt, the wondrous part of the experience was seeing that she was completely conscious of the learning process, that she could even explain how her understanding had changed and why. She was a better learner at the end of that unit – a more independent learner and a more critical thinker. This is a way to interact with the world. In short, she had become a slightly different person. The learning process influences the person we become, a cumulative process of tiny, yet incredibly important incremental steps. Who do you want your child to be? This is the central question.


Searching for similarities across cultures with deeper questioning

If you are interested in the role of questions in the classroom and beyond, the presentation below (about a 20 minute read) may be of interest. This was from the Annual General Meeting of the Japan/America Society of Hiroshima. Keep asking good questions.

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Thank you to Yumi Kyogoku for the Japanese translation and to Fuyuko Takita for the reading.


Title: “Searching for Difference: Considering the value of cultural understanding”

I am greatly honored to be here this evening to speak to you all on this 4th day of July. A special day for the United States where the country’s independence is celebrated, focusing on the end of British rule in 1776. Interestingly, just 12 years later, the British placed their flag in the soil of my home country, Australia, beginning yet another colonial journey. This time however, fortunately for the British at least, it was a less perilous experience. The links between these two events in very different parts of the world form a good context for this evening’s presentation, for when we consider the independence of a whole nation, we are forced to reflect on our own individual identities, our own cultures, because culture is about belonging. The question of who we are independent from, leads naturally to the question of who we are dependent on. To work successfully and to live peacefully, we need to deeply understand the people we depend on. This understanding has everything to do with culture.


I would like to open with two questions; ‘What has culture got to do with education?’ and ‘Why should we care?’


In this evening’s presentation, I will be exploring some ideas related to the way we come to understand culture and implications of this for education within Japan.

I am the principal at Hiroshima International School and I have been fortunate enough to work with many great educators in a number of wonderful schools within very different cultural contexts. One thing that I have come to realize over these years is that despite our obvious cultural differences, we are more similar than we realize. In order to understand this, students need to learn to search for deep meaning, for aspects of their own identity that may not be readily apparent; aspects that may not be obvious; qualities beyond their awareness. Students need to search beyond the facts of themselves, their surface level appearances. They need to search deeply for who they are as individuals and what they share with their fellow human beings. A need for such a search has far reaching implications for how we approach teaching and learning in our schools and is a step toward a more peaceful and sustainable planet.


I am fond of metaphor, perhaps overly so. As a secondary English teacher by profession, this is actually one of our chief occupational hazards, however if you will bear with me, it is often useful to use a familiar idea to help us understand another, or to provoke a new way of looking at an idea that has become too familiar. I would argue that our education systems have become far too familiar to us and we are in dire need of a new perspective.


The metaphor this evening, is the iceberg, a favorite of anyone with an interest in culture. In 1976, in a book called Beyond Culture, Edward Hall proposed that culture could be understood as an iceberg, where only a small percentage of what made up the iceberg was actually visible above the surface of the water. For culture, below the surface would mean out of conscious awareness. For forty years, this metaphor has been used to help people better understand the unconscious values that drive the more visible expressions of culture.

今晩使用したい例えは、文化に興味のある人のお気に入り「氷山」です。1976年、エドワード ホールは、著書「文化を超えて」の中で文化は氷山にたとえると理解しやすいと言っています。水面上に見えている氷山は、その下に広がる大きな氷山のほんの一角にすぎません。文化にしても、表面上の事柄以外はわかりにくい物です。この比喩は目に見えない、気づきにくい文化の理解に目を向けることを促すための例えとして、この40年間広く使われてきました。

On the surface (above the water line) we have examples of cultural expression such as language, literature, festivals, food, religion, dress, art and music to name just a few. These ones are readily visible. We see them, hear them, taste them straight away. To take dress for example, the men here are mostly wearing suits tonight. If we were in Hawaii, you would be in Aloha shirts. A suit would be the mark of an outsider. Next time, come here in an Aloha shirt and try it out. It would feel different, strange.


We can’t miss these cultural differences as I found out when I was 15 years old. My family had just moved from Australia to Papua New Guinea and I had my first chance to be a bit shocked by how different life can be in another culture. I spent a month on one of the remote northeastern islands staying with a friend in his grandmother’s village. It was very isolated, at least for me, with no phones, running water or electricity. There were no hospitals or shops or roads that weren’t dirt – just bamboo houses and lots of smiling faces. On one of my first nights there, the sun had gone down and I was getting hungry and was wondering about dinner. I soon found out.


Some of the children from the village made small fires on the beach and waited patiently by the water with slingshots, firing at large bats when they emerged from the forest to fly overhead. The downed bats were thrown straight on the coals to smoulder and later we sat around eating the oily meat from the bats with our fingers. This wasn’t the type of meal that I was used to growing up in Australia. The bat meat was also pungent, a very strong smell like nothing I had ever experienced and it stayed on the hands for days, no matter how many times you washed them. That meal was a bit of a shock, but I was ready for this surface level difference. It was part of the adventure I had been expecting. In many ways the experience was much the same as my first taste of natto in Japan some 6 years later. The bat meat did, in fact, taste marginally better than my first bite in Japan of ‘ika no shiro kara’, which I had mistakenly thought was sweet pinkish jelly, so I guess all things are relative. Food is easy to notice, the good and the bad.


Below the surface of the iceberg of culture however, there are aspects of culture that we do not think about and for this reason, can catch us unaware. Some of these deeper aspects of culture include concepts of time, personal space, notions about logic and validity, concepts of justice, courtesy, notions of modesty and affection, attitudes to elders to name just a few. Although at 15 I hadn’t given the idea of culture much thought, at the time I sensed deeper differences than just food, ones I couldn’t see, but that I could feel, ones that were hard to explain. I don’t think I would even have had the language to explain this sense of difference at that age. I had definitely not learnt the language needed, or the ways of thinking needed to express these ideas at school. I had to learn that later, as an adult, and this is what I want to express tonight. Our schools should teach a deep understanding of culture, before young men and women are sent out into the world.


These deeper aspects of culture are fascinating, but complex. For example, on the night of the bat feast in Papua New Guinea, I had a second surprise that I was definitely not expecting and it related to notions of personal space. I shared a room with my friend in his family’s bamboo house. It was on stilts above the water and you could see the small waves rolling up and down the beach through the floor of split bamboo. There were no doors or windows, just open spaces. You didn’t lock these houses. It was a very peaceful place and I was extremely tired after a day full of the unexpected, so I drifted off to what I thought would be the very welcome and familiar routine of sleep. Just a few hours later, however, I awoke to find someone climbing into my bed. This, as you can imagine, was quite a surprise.


You may note that I say ‘my’ when I described the bed and this is the origin of my surprise. This was an assumption that I had brought along with me from my world. It had no place here.  Growing up accustomed to an exclusive sleeping space, ‘just me’, I am sure that you can imagine my surprise at my late night visitor. In this new culture, however, it was the most natural thing in the world. There were areas in each house where people slept and although the division between male and female was familiar to me, the idea that groups of people shared sleeping spaces was not. It was my friend’s cousin who slept by my side that night and it was perfectly natural for him to join us. Over the course of the month I was there, sometimes he would sleep in my friend’s bed, sometimes mine. Sometimes others would come and frequency seemed to be determined by the closeness of personal ties. My understanding of personal space had just expanded and it was a much more subtle, unpredictable and difficult to define aspect of culture than the daily dining arrangements.


Just as I was getting used to sleeping in a communal space, I was also surprised by hand-holding, which again, was quite alien to me as in my mind it was usually associated with either young children and adults or with romantic couples. In my new world, my friend’s cousin would often hold my hand as we were walking along. I had noticed men holding hands and women holding hands, but never men and women. Walking along holding hands with a boy my age took some getting used to, but it was a familiar gesture and a sign of friendship and acceptance, which I appreciated after the initial discomfort.


I had further lessons in other understandings of personal space, some 6 years later when I arrived in Japan at the age of 21. I was horrified at the rush hour trains in Tokyo. I saw the impossible made possible. A white-gloved hand on my back, pushing me into a train that was already impossibly full. My body was supported by the crush of other bodies. My arms, pinned to my side, trapped. But still, there seemed to be room for more commuters. People ran for the door, turned and walked in wiggling their backs until space somehow miraculously opened. Then another person would come until the whistles started blowing, doors started closing, and opening, and closing. Finally we would leave an empty platform, squashed, silent, still, each person hoping their neighbor didn’t sneeze. In US education, there was a famous ‘No Child Left Behind’ policy. In Japan, I think JR must have had a ‘No Commuter Left Behind’ policy and it worked amazingly well, as long as you were willing to sacrifice, for a short while, all boundaries protecting your personal space. Some years later, after getting used to the Japanese understanding of personal space in a train, I was nearly the victim of violence when I tried to board a subway on a visit to London using my understandings of how it worked in Tokyo. I tried to nudge my way backwards into a carriage that, in my humble opinion, still had plenty of room. The large man and even larger woman who I was encouraging to move further into the train turned and gave me such an angry look that I stepped back away from the doors slowly, careful not to make eye contact, and was quite relieved when the doors closed. I certainly hope that those two never travel to Japan. 

個人的空間に関しては、その約6年後、21歳で東京に来た時に強烈な体験をしました。東京のラッシュアワーに恐れ戦いたのです。不可能を可能にする瞬間に立ち会いました。あり得ないほど既に満員だった電車の中に、白い手袋をした人が私を押し込んだのです。私の体は他の人の上に倒れ掛かり、手は横の方に挟まったままでした。それでもまだスペースがあると思う人がいるようで、電車に走り込み、ドアの所で後ろ向きになり、魔法使いのようにスペースを作り出し乗り込んでくるのです。出発の笛が吹かれ、ドアが閉まりかけてもそれは続き、閉まったり、開いたり、閉まったり、開いたりが繰り返えされました。ぎゅうぎゅう詰めの中、それでも皆静かに、誰かがくしゃみをしない事を祈りつつ、やっと電車は空っぽのプラットホームを後にしました。アメリカには‘No Child Left Behind『「落ちこぼれの生徒を残さない』いう有名な教育ポリシーがあります。JRにはきっと‘No Commuter Left Behind’『通勤者をホームに残さない』というポリシーがあるに違いありません。そしてその制作は、皆がほんの短時間、個人的空間を生け贄に捧げる事で、驚くほどの成功を収めています。そしてその数年後、すっかり日本式個人的空間の文化に慣れてしまった頃、私はロンドンの地下鉄で東京式の電車の乗り方をしようとした為、危うく事件に巻き込まれる所でした。愚かな私は、まだまだ十分余裕があると思い、後ろ向きに地下鉄に乗り込もうとしたのです。私が暗に奥に移動してくれと促した大きな男性と、もっと大きな女性は私を睨みつけました。私はその人たちと目を合わさないように気を付けながら、そっと電車を降り、ドアが閉まった時にはほっとしました。あの方達が日本旅行をされない事を心から願っています。

These below-the-surface aspects of culture, such as notions of personal space are not as easy to explain as the food we eat, or the clothes we wear. More than 20 years after my first rush-hour Tokyo train ride, I moved from Tokyo to Hawaii and I had some problems adjusting. People hug in Hawaii, often and vigorously. I was a school principal and while in Japan had not been used to hugging anyone at school, let alone parents. It was very difficult for me to manage this in Hawaii, particularly in those awkward moments when you think you should, but are not quite sure. How can you judge something like that? And what does the hug actually mean? It is not so much what people are doing, such as hugging by way of greeting, that is important, it is the meaning behind the actions that can start you on a road of questioning that will lead to a deeper understanding of culture, including your own.


Cultural difference such as notions of personal space expressed through fluid and communal sleeping spaces, and gestures of affection such as hand holding exist in the deeper parts of the cultural iceberg and are more difficult to explain than the concrete foods, flags and festivals found above the surface. Oftentimes, above the surface fact finding is the limit of a student’s school experience with cultural explorations because below the surface aspects of culture are not so easy to condense into a set of simple facts. Deeper understanding is required. You would never find an explanation of personal space in a school text book, because it is difficult to explain. Not because it is unimportant, but simply because it is difficult.


However, if we want to move toward a more peaceful world, one essential prerequisite is that we understand each other, not just what we see on the surface, but what really makes us, us. We also need to be prepared to follow the lines of inquiry that the deeper questions lead us into. A school’s curriculum has a heavy impact on the extent that students are afforded the opportunity to explore these deeper areas of culture.


But why is this important to you?

You may not work in education, but you all live in a society made up of the products of that education system; the children who are shaped by it and then move out into the world. They work for you. They are your children. Your grandchildren. They are the ones who will care for us all (hopefully) when we are too old to care for ourselves. I would say that we need to be very interested in the type of people our education systems shape.



Recently, Japanese education leaders in the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology (MEXT) have certainly been bold enough to choose a challenging goal that has potential to heavily impact students’ experiences and understandings of deep culture in Japanese schools. I am speaking of the goal to introduce International Baccalaureate (IB) programs into hundreds of Article One schools over the coming years. It is certainly not an easy road, but I believe it will ultimately have a very significant impact on Japanese education in ways that we may not yet be able to imagine.


The International Baccalaureate, referred to as the IB, is a curriculum model that is used in approximately 4500 schools around the world. Hiroshima International School is, proudly, one of those schools, with three IB programs, the Primary Years Program (PYP), Middle Years Program (MYP) and Diploma Program (DP) for our 3 year olds all the way through to our 18 year olds. The IB programs are inquiry based and this is the key to helping students understand deep culture.

IBと略される事の多い、国際バカロレアプログラムは、世界中の約4500校で取り入れられています。広島インターナショナルスクールは、IBの三つのプログラムであるプライマリープログラム(PYP)と、ミドルイヤープログラム (MYP) 、そしてディプロマプログラム (DP)を導入しており、3歳から18歳までの生徒が通っております。IBプログラムは探求する事を基本としており、その事が生徒に文化を深く理解させる一番の鍵となっています。

Inquiry requires students to ask good questions. Now this may seem obvious, but how seriously do we take questions in schools? Now, I don’t mean teacher questions or exam questions; I mean student questions. In your businesses and workplaces, do you know people who ask good questions; who know what to ask? They really stand out. You will notice these people. If they are able to ask good questions, where do you think they learnt the skill? It they were involved in a content based, textbook, exam focused curriculum, they probably did not learn it at school. In fact, good questions were most likely a problem for them at school.


So what is a ‘good’ question? Let’s look at one type, referred to as a factual question. Before I came to Japan, I wondered what Japanese people wore. I didn’t know. How could I have known? The only exposure I had to Japanese culture was the ever-popular ninja and samurai movies on TV. I also had a vague idea that people wore suits all the time and that they ate fish without cooking it, so basically, I had no idea. Other questions were: What do they eat? Do they surf? Can anyone speak English? Do people bath together? I was worried about that. These questions collect very basic content and this type of questioning is a necessary step in the process of inquiry, but it is a start. It is not the end.


When I first came to Japan, I actually didn’t even know enough to ask good questions, which is a key point. The more you know, the better questions you can ask. In an IB program, building a solid knowledge base is important as it can help you ask good questions. In a traditional content based, textbook and exam driven curriculum, the initial knowledge base is the destination. It’s easy to find as you just need to open the text book. You remember, you take the exam, you forget, you move on.


In an inquiry based approach, the initial content allows you to ask deeper, conceptual questions. Concepts are the big ideas. They are complex and they are general. When you are looking at the culture iceberg, these are the ideas that you find below the surface. Concepts are abstract ideas that have meaning across time, and place. For example, a question about ‘modern Japanese greetings in formal settings’ is factual, specific to both time and place. You could answer this by saying that in Japan, adults generally bow by way of greeting. The answer is relatively easy to provide and accurate to a degree. You could Google it.


When exploring greetings, however, you could use the larger concept of ‘relationships’. A question to drive the inquiry, could be ‘How are greetings used to define relationships?’ Use the concept (the big idea of relationships) as the focus. The more specific idea of ‘modern Japanese greetings’ could be used as an example to explore this question, so that further examples from other cultures and students’ own personal experiences can be incorporated into the learning process. In this way, we can reflect on our own cultures and others, coming to a deeper understand of the origins and fluidity of our own identities.


A conceptual question does not provide an easy answer. In fact, by its very nature, the answer to a conceptual question will always be messy because of the complexity of the big ideas we need students to grapple with. Exploring the way that people in different cultures refuse a request is an interesting example? Factual questions will lead us to see difference and if left at this level will reinforce stereotypes. When I first arrived in Japan, I used to think that when Japanese people said that something was ‘difficult’ with a long intake of breath, it meant that it was just difficult. This led to all sorts of problems. In order to understand what was happening, I had to be able to ask deeper questions regarding relationships and the intent of the Japanese soft refusal. Students need to be taught to pursue these lines of inquiry to understand more complex aspects of culture that get closer to our real shared humanity. All cultures build and preserve relationships through ways of speaking, it just looks a bit different from place to place.


The third type of question used in an inquiry based curriculum is a debateable question. This one would require multiple perspectives, generate tension and tend to be deliberately provocative. For example, after students have compared how different types of greetings across cultures define relationships, they could address a debateable question like ‘Should public affection, like hugging, be allowed in schools if it offends people?’ This would allow an opportunity to really apply their knowledge to difficult, complex situations where complete agreement is not likely to be reached.


In the business world, how often are you confronted by problems that can be solved by looking up the answer in a text book? In your family lives, how often is this the case? How often are solutions to problems in our lives simple? Moving forward into the middle of this 21st Century, what sort of questions does Japan need its future adults to be asking? In this sense, everyone here this evening has an interest in education.


By asking conceptual questions and debatable questions in school, learning becomes messy as it becomes a student driven exploration. The advantage is that at a deeper conceptual level, we are able to see similarity, as well as difference. We tend to discover the incredible connections that link us in our common humanity and difference becomes just a part of the magnificent cultural tapestry that has emerged across our beautiful, endangered planet.


In this sense, the type of questions we learn to ask in school, will heavily influence the type of world we come to know as adults. A more peaceful and sustainable planet requires people who are able to ask good questions and are prepared to follow their inquiries into the depths of culture, to understand that across the globe we are all linked in our common humanity.


With strong, future-oriented leaders who value education at both the City and Prefectural levels here in Hiroshima, I am confident that we will all be able to promote an education where authentic inquiries into culture are valued so we can raise generations of students who will, throughout their lives, search for commonalities with people, both inside and outside of Japan, with whom they share the future of this lovely, fragile planet. Our future largely depends on the common ground people are able to find. In this sense, now, more than ever, our future depends on the types of questions we are willing to ask. My hope is that Hiroshima will emerge as a leader in this type of education, where we learn to look to what unites us rather than what divides us.

最後になりましたが、この広島という土地に住み、高い国際教育レベルを目指し、その未来を担う指導者たちとともに、私たちは、文化に対する本質の質問が評価される教育を推進することができると強く確信しています。 大切なのは、私たちがこの美しい地球の未来を共有し、国内外の人々との共通点を探していくことにあると思います。 よって私たちの未来とは、人々が同じ人類としての共通点をお互いに探し出すことに大きく依存しているのです。 こういった意味で、私たちの地球の未来というのは、私たちが求める質問の本質に依存しているともいえます。 私が願うのは、是非とも広島が、人類を分裂させるものではなく、私たちを結びつけるものを探すことを推進する教育を広げる、世界のリーダーとなっていただきたいと思っております。本日は、御静聴ありがとうございました。


Patterns in conversations and what they can teach us

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Going further with your conversations. These two questions are posed to an Early Childhood 3&4 year-old class at Hiroshima International School.

Our brains seek patterns. It’s the way we make sense of our world and it is also the way we learn. Conversational patterns are an important part of our world, particularly as they govern the nature of our interactions.  As we learn language initially from our earliest interactions, the ongoing conversations between parents and young children have a strong impact on not only our language development, but of our view of the world and our place in it.

We know that children of parents who speak to them a lot develop larger vocabularies. This seems like common sense. However, as Bari Walsh from Harvard Graduate School of Education (https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/15/02/smart-talk) explains, it’s not just talk that’s important. It’s conversation. In this sense, it is the quality of those words that’s important. This is not just about using ‘big’ words, it is about the quality of the larger conversations. Walsh explains that beside a wide assortment of words, using complex words, interactive words, and words to tell stories, explain and imagine are all important.

In terms of patters, the use of questions is very important in the interactions. To take the example of using words to wonder, if a child is in conversations on a regular basis where they are asked their thoughts on what things might be like (e.g. When looking at the sky at night, ‘I wonder what it would be like to walk on the Moon?’) and are given time and space to explore these ideas, they will sense patterns across conversations and these patterns will explain things about their world. From these patterns, they will learn that;

  • they are valued as individuals, as their thoughts add meaning to conversations
  • imagination is important, for why else would time be spent on such conversations
  • perceptions differ, but these differing perceptions don’t need to be right or wrong
  • people need time to gather their thoughts and patient listeners wait
  • ideas can be explored at varying degrees of depth
  • we make meaning by building on each other’s ideas

In this sense, it is not just the words that are important, it’s the way we use them. From the type of conversations, they encounter and the patters they see, children learn their place in the world. Conversation, in this sense, can be a valuable gift to a child.


Lessons learned on the bikes

On a recent cycling trip, I was reminded of an important lesson that we just need to keep learning, over and over again.

It was a 450km cycling trip over 6 days, camping along the way. I accompanied the group of 6 high school students and 3 teachers for the first three days, my first extended cycling journey. Three days on the road (with some time driving the support van) gave me time to ponder the idea that most outcomes are decided in our heads.

On a long day’s ride, you start in the morning and keep going until you arrive, all the thoughts about ‘can I make it’ not meaning terribly much when the distance just needs to be covered. You tell yourself to keep pedalling, and you do. Deciding your own outcome.

It was an apt metaphor for the two years of the IB Diploma Program in which the student cyclists are involved. A long, hard, challenging road, with trials along the way, the outcome worth it in the end, if you keep telling yourself that you can make it. And keep listening.


Thinking multilingual

Life is an extended search for meaning, even when we don’t know we’re searching.


When a building is not just a building. Words are like this.

Our basic unit of meaning is the word. Each word matches an image in our minds, and oftentimes, multiple images.  In this way, vocabulary and thought are inextricably linked. It would be hard to say, for example, how many images would be attached to the A-bomb Dome in Hiroshima for the average person, if such a person in fact exists.  What do people think of when they hear those words ‘A-bomb Dome’ spoken? How many subtle shades of meaning does the ruin of this building hold for those individuals who pass by?

Learning an additional language can help us to appreciate these subtle shades of meaning.

After growing up in a largely monolingual world, I found myself one day wandering in Japan.  For survival purposes I decided to learn a few of these strange new words. One of my early words was ‘omoshiroi’ which I had heard from time to time. A light, happy, content word that taught me a belated secret.

In the Japanese English dictionary, this word was listed as meaning both ‘fun’ and ‘interesting’. This really caught my attention at the time – ‘fun’ and ‘interesting’ to me meant different things, so  which one was it? How could one word mean both things at the same time? I was twenty-one years old and had just finished a university degree in English literature, so I knew much about the English language, yet as I was to discover, I knew nearly nothing about language.

Learning to see the world through multiple languages provides a unique opportunity for us to develop a sense of the wondrous variations in interpretation and perspective. The understanding that meaning is negotiable is inescapable.  Learning another language enables us to sense the depth of life – seeing two different socially constructed worlds at the same time. The analogy of bifocal vision works here. When we see the world with one eye it is 2D, but makes sense. Yet the use of another eye opens up a whole new 3D world that is similar, yet distinctly richer.

In this sense, for the individual who understands that meaning is negotiable, they would be asking not ‘What does the A-bomb Dome mean?’ rather, they would ask, ‘What could it mean?’  A powerful difference in perspective.



A child’s world

As adults – teachers and parents – it’s nearly impossible to imagine the world of a child. The real question is, do we feel that it possesses enough worth to try and explore?


My daughter, Abbie, wondering, but about what?

Do we take our children’s inquiries seriously, engaging them in conversations authentically, investigating their worlds, as they investigate ours?

I love what Reggio Emilia educators have to say – that we must actively seek out the worlds of children, not as limited versions of an adult world they will one day occupy, but as a legitimate ‘estate of childhood’ that is as rich and as meaningful as the world we are guiding them towards (Edwards, The Hundred Languages of Children: The Reggio Emilia Experience in Transformation, 2011). This is a challenge for an adult, a parent or teacher, interacting with a child’s inherent questioning of the world, as we can be tempted to simply explain, to fill the gaps we perceive in their understanding, when we should be taking these valuable opportunities to explore their worlds. It is a subtle, yet very powerful difference in the framing of the conversation with a child.

It seems that we need to be able to ask good questions to support them and above all, we need to be prepared to take the time to consider all forms of their expression, to find out more about their constantly shifting, uniquely personal, and utterly complex childhood worlds.